wanted: nigerian husband to die and leave wife US$40 million.

I was at work when i received a yellow envelope from Australia. It didn't have a paper stamp but a ink stamp, those whacky Australians.

In the envelope were three copies of Moby Morris' new zine 'No Time Wasters', a collection of the want ads he placed in Melbourne mag 'Beat' and some of the choicer replies he received.

FOR SALE: One VHS copy of Steven Seagal's Under Siege taped off TV in 1994 with the ads cut out. Minor tape wear during "cake scene". All offers considered.

WANTED: 4-6 Hours sleep, preferably on a Saturday night. Must be uninterrupted, deep and a good nights rest. Sweet dreams and wet dreams considered. Please - no day dreamers or left handed people. Call if available but don't wake me.

FREE TO A GOOD HOME. Two legged dog, one eye. One torn ear. Motley colouring. Several diseases including 'flesh eating'. Protruding ribs. Blind and friendly. Non-house trained. Constantly howls or barks. Answers to name 'Sugarbum'. Email smokevswater@gmail.com.

ask him for a copy at smokevswater@gmail.com